Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
