Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
