im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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