got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
