Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
