Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I met the friendliest cop last night
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
