dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize