I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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