soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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