I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
