Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
