I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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