She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
