I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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