i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize