Im at strip club and am horny
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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