Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
