Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
