K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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