Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
