just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize