she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
