My sheets look like a crime scene.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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