I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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