every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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