Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
