I accidentally had phone sex last night
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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