seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize