At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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