There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
