so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my shit smells like andre
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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