the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
