woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
