This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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