I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
