i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
