Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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