My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Randomize
