doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
