i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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