Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
