No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
