omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Small penises have feelings too.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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