Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
