Don't you send me to vm
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
