Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
