im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
