it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
