Already got asked if we're dating
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
