Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
