He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
