Where is the hickey?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
