I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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