Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
