I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Naked Twister starts at high noon
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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