Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Let's paint friendship bongs
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
