Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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