My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
