Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up under a house in Key West
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