You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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