can u get pink eye on your cock?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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