i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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