I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
