I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
