I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
