Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
lets start a swedish sibling band together
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
