i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
