they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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