so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
