dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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