Porn is love you can see.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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