Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
