Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
