I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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