Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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