this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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