I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
