oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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