im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
