i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
