u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
