Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
