did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
