Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
