sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
