Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
