Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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