And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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