How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
