tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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