How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
