Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
