grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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