It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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