Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
