I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
