so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
