Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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