Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
