Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
