I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
