dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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