i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
