I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
